Watching jeremy kyle as I tend to do, I am always amazed by the amount of women who deny their ex partners any access, or severely limit, the fathers access to their children. I find it amazing and horrendously selfish, it only serves the mothers vendetta rather than, which is paramount, the child’s interests. Surely a child should without question have equal access to both parents at all times…

Be interesting to hear ‘real world’ experiences.

Would you want anyone appearing on the Jeremy Kyle show having access to your kids?

One of my mates has an ex missus who for years, despite her never having worked a day in her life, and him paying her half his salary, has regularly stopped him seeing his kids, he takes legal action to get access, she is told by the courts that she has to allow him to see his kids, she says ok, then stops him seeing his kids, he takes legal action to get access, she is told by the courts that she has to allow him to see his kids, she says ok then stops him seeing his kids, he takes legal action to get access, she is told by the courts that she has to allow him to see his kids, she says ok….

…..and so on, and so forth. At the last count he’d spent about £30,000 on legal fees

Mind you, we all warned him she was a cast iron bitch from hell before he was daft enough to marry the vile hatchet-faced troll. Actually, she’d be right at home on Jeremy Kyle. She’s that classy!

No direct experience, but the mums at work who have split from the kids dad have nothing good to say about them, ever. One was ranting and raving about what a selfish **** the dad was because he wouldn’t come and take their (8yr old, iirc) son for the weekend/night/whatever. His reason for not doing it? His current wife was in labour with their 1st child.

I think my mum and dad might well be the only parents in the world who had an amicable divorce, and still remain civil/friendly to each other 20 years after the event.

And on the other hand one of my very good friends got the shit beaten out of her on a regular basis by her (now ex) partner, who’d then leave for a few days with their little boy – no contact, no idea where. They split a little while ago which he reacted badly to, trying to kick down doors, smashing up neighbours cars etc. He doesn’t have access as he’s shown he’s got no problem with **** off to goodness knows where with the kid without telling anyone. And he’s a thug.

Surely a child should without question have equal access to both parents at all times…

So IMO no.

Each case on it’s merits (and there are people who use it as a way of punishing their ex’s but it’s also there to protect the children and the parents.)

Watching jeremy kyle as I tend to do…

I thought you were going to say that this was grounds for your partner to limit your own access 😉

Surely a child should without question have equal access to both parents at all times…

It’s certainly not that simple. I’m sure that you can imagine countless scenarios where restricted access is actually necessary for the potential well-being of the child(ren).

If there’s a reason, ie: domestic violence, then I can understand restricting access.

In my experience, the only ‘reason’ I’ve ever seen is: ‘because I feel like being an arsey cow, and as far as the law is concerned a father has pretty much no rights at all! So I’m going to **** you about. Just because I can’

I know someone who used to stop their kids seeing their dad on his weekends as punishment if they had been naughty, pretty shitty trick IMO.

Assuming both parents are fit to be parents then yeah access shouldn’t be restricted, getting 2 divorced people to agree on something is going to be tricky tho.

This may suprise you but there are blokes out there that really dont two (i’ll use the word hoots) about thier kids and can use them as a tool of manipulation easly as much as any mother. They can bleat on and make threats of legal action and other nasties and when they do get access they take the kids off down the pub and give them a pack of crisps and a fizzy drink while they get pissed with their mates. They can be given many opportunities to clean up thier act but essentially they just want to try and regain control via the kids. I speak from some experience of this and whilst i would fight fight for access to my kids if required (not that this is an issue), i am well aware that not every bloke has the same motives.

Lot’s of things used as pawns in the breakdown of relationships. Kids tend to be put with the mother and so they become a very obvious one.

I think that the kids should have as much access to either parent as they see fit. I do however think that determining the amount of parental access that is granted to each parent is a much more difficult task.

I know two kids who had two sets of clothes that HAD to be kept at two seperate points. No exceptions. Including bikes/toys.

Madness.

I know two kids who had two sets of clothes that HAD to be kept at two seperate points. No exceptions. Including bikes/toys.

Madness.

I had to do that otherwise i never the saw the gear i bought again. the next week I collected my girl she’d be dressed in clothes that were too small and washed to pieces. (having taken my girl back to the “vile hatchet faced cow’s” the previous week with £100 worth of new clothes) there was only some many times I was gonna play along with that little game.

Bought a Nintendo DS, that got sold, a footy kit, never saw that again, vile hatchet-head ->”she needs new shoes” Me – “what happened to the pair I bought her 2 weeks ago”…vile hatchet-face cow -> “they’re worn out, wrong colour, whatever” JOG THE ****ON.

I’m done with it all now, but my heart truly goes out to the millions (yes millions) of the father’s enduring similar treatment right. It’s a deeply routed problem within our society that needs sorting decades ago. Very sad. 😕

A chap I worked with until recently took his own life a few weeks ago, and the trigger was:

-ex-wife had an affair
-they split up
-they tried to get it back together
-they failed
-there was a lot of animosity and arguing
-he came over to take their kids out one day
-they argued
-he allegedly shoved her (he wasn’t known for violence)
-she hammed it up*, called the police
-she got him barred

He took his life a few minutes after the letter came through the door.

*Or so I’m told.

he hammed it up*

Whats’ that mean?

“She”.

By which I mean: she inferred that the altercation was much worse than it actually was.

Sorry I meant ‘she’.

BY barred, I take it you mean an injunction…I don’t know the ins and outs of your colleagues situation but you can’t have an injunction taken out at the drop of a hat.

Sounds like there’s more to that situation than what you’ve let on tbh.

binners – Member

One of my mates has an ex missus who for years, despite her never having worked a day in her life, and him paying her half his salary, has regularly stopped him seeing his kids, he takes legal action to get access, she is told by the courts that she has to allow him to see his kids, she says ok, then stops him seeing his kids, he takes legal action to get access, she is told by the courts that she has to allow him to see his kids, she says ok then stops him seeing his kids, he takes legal action to get access, she is told by the courts that she has to allow him to see his kids, she says ok….That

Family court judge in relation to someone I know said to the mother “You have lied repeatedly to this court and you are damaging your children by denying legitimate access … but I don’t want to jail you, so what terms would you like to have in place instead of these ?”

🙄

and

🙄

A chap I worked with until recently took his own life a few weeks ago, and the trigger was:

-ex-wife had an affair
-they split up
-they tried to get it back together
-they failed
-there was a lot of animosity and arguing
-he came over to take their kids out one day
-they argued
-he allegedly shoved her (he wasn’t known for violence)
-she hammed it up*, called the police
-she got him barred

He took his life a few minutes after the letter came through the door.

****. That is utterly terrible. I don’t believe the ‘*’ bit partly because the police were called to a ‘domestic’ at my house and luckily the officers attending had two brains- otherwise I would have been arrested/taken in to the cells (new automatic policy)

It really wouldn’t take much to land a man in serious trouble these days very quickly.

This is coming from someone (on the flipside) who in the 70/80’s witnessed a very very violent man who got away with murder et al.

PP, Hora- could be, I don’t know. Possibly there was. The guy I knew wasn’t violent. Who knows?

Sad though.

I believe he’s heard that very statement a good few times scaredypants. The courts have no other sanction at their disposal, so the mother can carry on going through the same endless cycle for years. Especially if you’re not working, and therefore getting legal aid. So theres not even a financial penalty. Whereas if he stops paying maintainace, he’d only be damaging his kids, plus the CSA would be down on him within days

He’s a close mate and I’ve seen the misery and stress its caused him for years. Which I’m sure she’s absolutely delighted about. I doubt any concerns for the kids entered her head

So indeed … 🙄

sticks up hand but declines to discuss publicly

Who knows?

She does.

I was with a guy who had spent £20k in legal fees trying to get regular and consistent access to his daughter through the courts. Court appeared to be toothless.

Kid’s mother withheld access on a whim, out of spite, or to get money, she would ask for £50, £100 etc and if he didn’t pay she would withhold access. He paid child support as well.

On the other hand, if it suited her, she’d drop the kid on us at a moment’s notice (if she wanted to go out on the sauce usually)

She tried every trick in the book – accused him of sexual abuse which meant he had no contact while they investigated and then three months supervised access whilst they “re-established contact”. She accused him of physical abuse – same again.

Eventually when kiddo was 13 (this was after we split up), she’d had enough and went to live with her dad, but her mum and mum’s family put her under so much pressure she went back. Mum now does not allow her any contact with her dad, they have moved to a different area. All he gets is updates from the school. Kid has been completely alienated against her father – mother has told her he was violent in the marriage and abused her sexually and physically. In fact, my ex suffered violence from her, emotional abuse, she was cautioned for harassing us, and she was dealing drugs – because she was a mother, she escaped with a caution for possession for it.

I got out of the relationship because the existence was so miserable thanks to the mother of my ex’s child. I wondered how on earth one woman could manage to cause that much damage and misery, actually. My ex was never really happy, because he was always worried about would he be able to see his kid that weekend or not, would he have to shell out money he didn’t have, what accusation would she come out with next. So we were never able to relax and be happy together, we didn’t have any money, and I had become a target of her venom, which caused me to start having panic attacks and severe anxiety and depression.

In my experience, the only ‘reason’ I’ve ever seen is: ‘because I feel like being an arsey cow, and as far as the law is concerned a father has pretty much no rights at all! So I’m going to **** you about. Just because I can’

pretty much.

My mate has a little lad & the mother is a BIYATCH! I asked him if he fancied coming to Torridon last spring & she went nuts when he mentioned he was going away (for 3 days) on his weekend to have the lad, so to keep the peace he didn’t go. Two days before we went & too late to update the accommodation, she told him she was taking the lad on holiday to Spain for two weeks so he could’ve come after all.
She does this sort of stuff all the time. Cow.

Note to self not to split up 😯

I wouldn’t cope.

Can understand Junky not talking about it.