For the record, it isn’t necessarily the fathers duty to vacate the family home, my ex wanted the divorce so as far as I was concerned she was the one who had to leave, we did set out from the off that whatever happens the kids were main priority & their consideration came first in any decisions – which has lead to a pretty amicable divorce over the past 21 years. Good luck to anyone just setting off on that path & to reiterate that getting into a battle is a pointless and fruitless exercise

From the perspective of a child of this kind of thing:don’t wait for an affair being discovered to force a decision. Make one. If things are that bad then leave, whilst still taking responsibility for your share of parenthood. Your conduct during this period is being watched by your children, so act like an adult even when they’re not in sight as there’s nowhere in a normal family house that the kids haven’t found a way to eavesdrop on.

Far too much of my image of me is defined by not being anything like my dad.
He acted like a spoiled child (whining that the synchronous affairs by his brothers hadn’t led to their children cutting them off) and though i appreciate more now that I’m older and have stepchildren how unwelcoming the family home must have been with surly teenaged me in it, the onus is on the leaver to cause the least disruption/damage they can. Because you’re a parent.

Realise that the children won’t understand your inner working-out, only assume that you love someone else more than them. Leave first, then do the new life. And if during the “your mum and I are splitting up” talk any of you feel like throwing in “this is a photo of my girlfriend” and then asking for a hug then I’ll happily come round and try for the kicking I was too scared to give my dad.

Aside from all my issues (sorry, my grandma died recently and I’ve not seen her since the 90s because of cutting off that side of the family, so I’m feeling a bastard), I wonder how this ending a broken relationship works for the wimmins. My partner has paused her professional life to scrape by while the children are young, it was pure luck that we met as she rarely had time to do anything but parent. Seeing recently how frazzled a friend is trying to work a 60 hour week and parent two young children, getting to live in the family home while her ex (my primary friend of the couple) moved back in with his parents and does two nights a week doesn’t really sound the sparkly end of the stick.

Ramble ramble ramble, sorry

From the perspective of a child of this kind of thing:don’t wait for an affair being discovered to force a decision. Make one. If things are that bad then leave, whilst still taking responsibility for your share of parenthood. Your conduct during this period is being watched by your children, so act like an adult even when they’re not in sight as there’s nowhere in a normal family house that the kids haven’t found a way to eavesdrop on.

Far too much of my image of me is defined by not being anything like my dad.
He acted like a spoiled child (whining that the synchronous affairs by his brothers hadn’t led to their children cutting them off) and though i appreciate more now that I’m older and have stepchildren how unwelcoming the family home must have been with surly teenaged me in it, the onus is on the leaver to cause the least disruption/damage they can. Because you’re a parent.

Realise that the children won’t understand your inner working-out, only assume that you love someone else more than them. Leave first, then do the new life. And if during the “your mum and I are splitting up” talk any of you feel like throwing in “this is a photo of my girlfriend” and then asking for a hug then I’ll happily come round and try for the kicking I was too scared to give my dad.

Aside from all my issues (sorry, my grandma died recently and I’ve not seen her since the 90s because of cutting off that side of the family, so I’m feeling a bastard), I wonder how this ending a broken relationship works for the wimmins. My partner has paused her professional life to scrape by while the children are young, it was pure luck that we met as she rarely had time to do anything but parent. Seeing recently how frazzled a friend is trying to work a 60 hour week and parent two young children, getting to live in the family home while her ex (my primary friend of the couple) moved back in with his parents and does two nights a week doesn’t really sound the sparkly end of the stick.

Ramble ramble ramble, sorry

Absolutely 100% spot on. Give that man a cigar.

Was your replationship otherwise a ‘normal’ loving relationship

As in kisses and cuddles, and holding hands? No, none of that sort of thing. Just thinking about this today and realised it’s over 10 years since we’ve been out on a date and had a snog at the end (went out a few times between 5 and 3 years ago, but no more than holding hands, and the handful of times we’ve had sex in that time it’s been more of a standalone **** than making love after a romantic evening – which is so not what I want). It seems she isn’t interested in any of that sort of thing (or at least not with me)

Sorry for the hijack

As in kisses and cuddles, and holding hands? No, none of that sort of thing. Just thinking about this today and realised it’s over 10 years since we’ve been out on a date and had a snog at the end (went out a few times between 5 and 3 years ago, but no more than holding hands, and the handful of times we’ve had sex in that time it’s been more of a standalone **** than making love after a romantic evening – which is so not what I want). It seems she isn’t interested in any of that sort of thing (or at least not with me)

Sorry for the hijack

Man you sound unhappy. Have you tried to talk to her about it?

@aracer date nights are important, I would try and restart that if you can

Absolutely 100% spot on. Give that man a cigar

More counselling, or a tissue, would be better.
Families eh?

Well my wife has gone from frothing to talking.
We’ve stayed together because of debt. And I’d become accustomed to a sexless marriage and sleeping in the box room, no doubt about that.

On top of that physically we went separate ways seven years ago. I kept fit and well groomed and kept my friends. My wife gave up on everything.
At no point was I looking for an affair. But a lovely eight years younger than me lady asked me to take her to a dance, I did and the rest is history.

Kids are 20 and 23. After the mortgage we have about 200k to split

No physical contact over that period. She will not talk about it, go on a date, or go to counseling. No fighting, and we can talk about life, kids etc, but just no connection.

I can’t remember when she last said “I love you”. No cards at birthdays etc, no matter what I do like giving cards and trying.

Spooky, shred, are you sure you’re not me?

I know, I have seen your posts on this on previous threads and thought the same thing. 😕

Guys your life is just too important to go on like this.