it looks like a game of chinese whispers and the parents are getting all worked up about it.
We all know how the game ends.

I feel for all the teachers out there when faced with the some of the parents in the playground.

Being an NQT should be no excuse for anyone saying “don’t tell your parents”. I was an NQT last year and would never have said that. Like I said in my first post, secrets are never a good thing. As Ampthill says, it’s basic safeguarding and something that an NQT would have very recently had training on.

If you decide to talk to the teacher you will probably find it wasn’t said in the way you think and it’s just a misunderstanding.

I probably deal with a 100* incidents a week of children being unkind to each other – of which probably 99* of them aren’t really of any consequence. I can’t let them waste the time of all the children who deserve to have their learning uninterrupted. Within a couple of minutes the children involved in the unkindness are usually best friends again! I do keep a mental note though and try to spot any trends so they can be dealt with. I also deal with those incidents that seem more serious straight away.

If a parent came in to talk to me about something as minor as a child saying they hated another, I’d probably remind them that the children they are talking about are 6 years old and say all sorts of things they don’t mean. I might have a quick word with the all children involved including those who spread it (but not single one out) and just say it’s not nice to be mean to people, how would you feel etc… without any investigation. Occasionally I have a whole class word about how getting on with each other – but don’t spend too long.

Yesterday’s whole class advice was about not playing mercy, I painted all sorts of pictures in their mind of broken fingers and deformed hands from children playing mercy. Took 30 seconds to do and meant I didn’t have to waste time investigating who was involved.

*statistics might not be completely accurate!

Oh, and please make an appointment to speak to them. When you grab them in the morning they most likely need to be inside making sure their vulnerable children have had breakfast.

If the teacher said that then they need training. Still, I believe when you speak to them, not attack them, it’s all a misunderstanding.

I’ve just been thinking of scenarios which might lead to the teacher saying what you think they did.

The most obvious I can think of is your child asking “do I need to tell Mum & Dad?” The teacher thinking that it’s a bit of a nothing incident just says there’s no real need. In such a scenario I’d just answer “it’s up to you.”

Another scenario where “you don’t need to tell your parents” might come up is if there is a safeguarding concern over the parents reaction to something happening at school. I’m not implying this is the reason for you johndoh – just giving an example of when it might be necessary.

My money is on it just being a misunderstanding still.

Hammerite, what year do you teach?

I’m a mixed year 5/6. Coming up to a very stressful time. It’ll all be worth it come May.

Did the teacher tell your child not to tell you?

She didn’t tell her not to, she said she didn’t have to.

Year 3. A lot less stressful than Y6, but stressful enough for half term to be a relief. Can’t wait until next year as last year and this I’ve seemingly had to teach the Y2 and Y3 new curriculum to my class. Or maybe next year it’ll be worse as I won’t have them not doing the new curriculum in Y2 as an excuse!

We become a primary the year after next (currently a lower school) I’m angling for a move to Y5.

Give us a sitrep on the pudding factor.

Yeah, as it stands we gap fill Year 3 and 4 with the hope of teaching the 5/6 curriculum this term.

Not much fun st all at the minute. At least we have the parents questioning our ability to teach to cheer us up 😉

She didn’t tell her not to, she said she didn’t have to.

Well, did she have to? If the school were not worried about the incident then why would she have to tell you?

I think you’re mistaking don’t have to for don’t.

To be honest most of the parents at our school aren’t too bothered. Makes these type of scenarios rare, but brings in lots of other problems!

No I am not Mosey. No 6 yr old should be taught that there are things that they can decide they don’t need to tell their parents about. There should be no secrets.

If the teacher had told her *not* to tell us then I would have been whole world more furious.

I would be more worried about the fact that your daughter is choosing to take more notice of her teacher (you don’t have to tell your parents) than you (please tell us).

Edit. In general, you should worry about stuff less. It only gets harder as they get older.

Edit edit. Just realised I have said be more worried, then worry about stuff less. Funny what beer does to your logic.

What do you actually want her to tell you?

I don’t see any point where the teacher has told your daughter this?

You’ve decided it without speaking to the teacher.

All the time we say to the children “next time I’ll have to speak to your parents.” They often reply “do I have to tell them?” We reply “well that’s up to you.”

It’s not a secret, it’s nothing. They obviously we’re not concerned at school or they’d have told you!

Mosey had it “I think you’re mistaking don’t have to for don’t.”
Unfortunately there is some mistaking of “we’re” for “were” ripe for a backlash against us fellow teachers.

Let’s all go ride our bikes in the woods, I’m about to.

Enjoy half term everyone. OP – Please stop posting up that the teacher needs her arse kicking, after asking if there are any primary teachers here for friendly useful advice about your daughter being accused of being a bully.

The bottom line is your daughter is 6, she should tell you everything, regardless of any other adults comment. You are the parent. Putting the blame on your daughters action on someone else is missing the real point of your frustration.

So child A allegedly said something. And is now telling parents she doesn’t have to tell what it was because teacher said she didn’t have to.
Teacher is being blamed and having their professionality questioned on the say so of child A.

Meanwhile all the children have forgotten what it was all about.

autocorrect is to blame for the were, we’re situation above.

I’m to blame for the lack of a capital above.

My wife is in tears but all I see is a bunch of adults needing to get over themselves and accept we are talking about 6 yr olds.

Still think the teacher needs her arse kicking though.

I think the OP has the partial solution already for the parents involved .. apart from the kicking the NQTs arse.