I’ve managed to reach 40 without anybody really close to me dying, a couple of foreign relies, a co-worker in a previous job who committed suicide and that’s about it. Last week a woman who worked at my office died suddenly after a very quick illness, everyone in my office (it’s a small office) is devastated. I feel nothing, just kinda numb, just as I did when my previous co-worker topped himself/relatives died. So am I normal?

What is ‘normal’?

I worked in an office where someone who worked in the same room got killed in a car crash. I’d spoken to her once about work, said about 20 words or so. It was sad, and made me a bit down and introspective (still does) but I wasn’t really upset. You can’t (and probably shouldn’t) get too personally upset about people you aren’t really friends with dying. It should definitely make you think and you should care, but you don’t have to be in tears and all.

I’d say you are normal – your response shows you how you really felt about the person – sounds like they were just someone you knew. You don’t have to be bosom pals with all your colleages. The ones you are close to are close for a reason not just cos they work with you.

I’m 40 and have lost both parents, 5 Aunts/Uncles and a good few friends.
Grandparents died a long time before I was born.

I find that grief has affected me profoundly – I do feel very sad when I hear about someone dying, even if I don’t know them. Brings the memories back.

So yes, course you are normal – you will feel differently once someone you care about deeply has died.

Now stop worrying about it and enjoy yerself.

I used to think keeping my daughter and her 7 children whom I’d sired by raping her in the cellar for 24 years was normal but in retrospect it’s probably not.

In the words of the Flaming Lips “Everyone you know, some day, will die”. Its sad, but thats life. Or not.

I remember my dad said to me when I was 17 “If you’re going to spend your time ragging around on big motorbikes then get used to the idea of losing a few friends”

He was right. Unfortunately.

🙂 😈

bad samuri. But I Lol’d

Binners, that’s why I don’t have a motorbike anymore!

Ms Spanner has lost several good friends through climbing accidents and had one serious accident herself as youngster.
(For her birthday, her youngest daughter just paid for a helicopter trip over the crag she fell from – she can’t remember the first trip in a ‘copter due to her disturbing lack of consciousness at the time :lol:)

Like motorcycling, you just get used to it or stop hanging around with people who do it.

Off for a ride to cheer myself up.

Bloody ‘ell Rusty, I was just considering psyching myself up to start climbing again.. cheers…

She still climbs, Molgrips.

As do her dad, brother and both daughters.
Mad, the lot of them. 🙂

I believe the trick is not to care!

The reason I stopped was crippling fear. I climbed a lot for one summer, then fell (or rather, got scared then fell – the fall was nothing) then stopped for ages and only climbed in fits and starts due to having no partner for ages after that. I do get better (or I did) with regular climbing but I’ve never managed that since. Now I just cba and concentrate on biking. Shame…

If you’re anywhere near Manchester, I can recommend a really good climbing club. (Sorry, just checked your profile – got to be some good climbing clubs in Cardiff!)

Scares the gravy out of me too – don’t like the exposure.
Actually feel a lot better on climbing walls indoors and can then relax and enjoy myself a lot more.

Started taking Ms Spanner out on a MTB (she’s a long time roadie) as revenge for scaring me fartless in various quarries, on various crags etc.

Why don’t you book some lessons? That’s what I’m doing later this year. If I can overcome the fear I’m sure I’d really enjoy myself.

I need psychological therapy not lessons! I’m easy good enough for a bit of 4c climbing probably even now, but put me on an HVS and I tend to crap myself. I do ok on walls and top-roping, but I am terrified of messing up my gear and exposing myself to a dead fall (which I seem to do a lot). I basically start obessing over gear and then start spending ages over the route trying to fit tons of gear in, then that gets me really tired at which point I start to panic… I’m in Cardiff btw so no use there.

Sorry for the hijack btw.

I decided alongtime ago that I will go when I am ready to go. Its not suicide its enjoying quality of life for as long as possible. In other cultures (hindu) etc death is as much a part of life as life itself. Understanding and respecting death makes you cherish life even more.

I’ll be clinging on by the edge of my ragged, bitten fingernails, as long as I’m strong enough to stand the pain.

It’s far too precious to waste. 😐

Now I really am off for a ride!

OP,

You’ve reacted in a way that’s normal for you,if somebody close to you dies you probably are more likely to get more depressed than when somebody who isn’t close to you dies. I was upset by my uncle dying,and for my cousins,but not as upset about somebody in my Spanish classes dying who i only knew from spanish classes,and chatted to a bit on the way home,a bit sad for a while,but nothing worth dwelling on much after i’d chatted to my mum about it for five mins or so.

molegrips,

I used to climb quite a lot,it sounds like you need to do a lot of easy angled routes which follow cracks and have plenty of gear placements,and maybe work up gradually from somewhere like Severe up to HVS. Or just enjoy easy routes in the sunshine,and not worry too much about HVS. 🙂

I need psychological therapy not lessons! I’m easy good enough for a bit of 4c climbing probably even now, but put me on an HVS and I tend to crap myself.

The problem with HVS’s is that like E2 its one of those grades which all the totally horrible thrutchs gets lumped into. You also stand a pretty good chance of hitting something on the way down if you come off an HVS. The other thing is there tends to be a whole selection of usable hand & foot holds & gear placements to waste your time choosing between (OK I know quite a few people who say that about E5s but they tend to be fairly focused types who I’m not at all envious of).
HVS like E2 is a horrible grade that your right to be scared of (Butchers crack on stanage is HVS – case closed)

Bimbler – your completely normal you just haven’t fallen for the Princes Di/reality TV bu!!shit that an emotion isn’t a real emotion unless it can be filmed or telegraphed to everyone within 100yards

Bimbler – completely normal.

I’ve started a new thread for climbing discussion.

Bimbler, you are normal it’s fine 🙂