Our eldest turned 5 the other day, & is still having problems with soiling his pants. We’ve tried everything, health visitors on the case, GP etc. Just dont know where to turn next. Doesnt appear to have a wetting problem, just mild soiling. Its as if something blocks out the signal telling him to go for a no2. Its not very bad soiling, (sorry if this is a bit gross, but parents will be able to sympathise – I hope), just bad marking, as if he’s trying (& failing) to hold it in.
His younger brother, (age 3 1/2) came out of nappies with no problems at all, & is just about dry through the night.
We’re convinced we took him out of nappies too early.
Short of a child psychologist we just wondered of anyone has had / is having, the same sort of problems.
His teachers / childcare seem to have run out of answers also.
Thanks, from the end of our tether. 😐

Happened with number 2 son till about 7 or 8, frustrating yes, expensive certainly, but They WILL grow out of it unless there is an underlying medical prob?

U31, doc & peadiatric specialists says no, he’s fine.
I’m in the “will grow out of it” camp & tend not to get stressed, but its driving his Mum to tears.

With our lad it was suggested that the nerves in the sphincter might not register the need to “Go”, combine this with getting carried away playing etc..

Training pants were the answer.

Edit: hell no,dont get stressed or especially show stress in front of the little un, its the worse thing you can do, then it certainly will get reinforced and become either psychological or worse an attention seeking strategy

I would also think that the more pressure piled on him to stop (doctors visits etc), the harder it will be for him to break the habit.

It isn’t the end of the world and given no medical reason, why not take the pressure of him (and yourselves) and not get too hung up about it and let it run it’s natural course?

When you say GP & paeds say he’s fine, have they considered chronic contipation & overflow diarrhoea? Very, very common cause of soiling in kids.

You’d be perfectly entitled to go back to GP and ask for another paeds referrall, ask for a gastro specialist. Some areas may have a contience service specifically for services like this. You might also be eligible for support such as DLA, which in kids is a measure of care above & beyond that expected for a child of the same age.

As MF said, i’ll bet all the Doctors attention actually set us back, but like the OP’s wife, his mum was unduly worried and whiped him off to get checked out…

Contact the Health Visitor and ask to see the Continence Nurse Specialist, every area has one. If yours doesn’t seem too ‘hot’ on kids ask them to find out methods and other people for you to give you specialist advice. Also, the problem often stems from being constipated but without someone taking a close history/diary then this can’t be assumed. Being constipated and not wanting to strain/get rid of poo results in overflow (runny poo) being squeezed out instead. Oh, I’ve just noticed MFL’s post, doh. The current treatment is Lactulose for that. Don’t get stressed out about it, just ensure he eats a good diet, drinks adequately and tries on the Loo after having a meal when the vesico-colic reflex goes into action.

My daughter (4 1/2) has the same problem. She wouldnt go for days if we let her. We have to give her a softner daily but this can result in ‘staining’. She too was out of nappies early and clean and dry, however this just sneaked up on us and now its becoming a major issue.
I dont know how much is physical and how much is in her head, but she will walk past the toilet and hide in the corner and try and hold it in!

but she will walk past the toilet and hide in the corner and try and hold it in!

Sounds like ours…. Until it HAS to come out then que dancing around before rushing off to the loo…

Don’t have kids myself, and I imagine it must be frustrating for the parents so I can only sympathise. A friend had a lad with the same problem, and he grew out of it eventually after a while. Nice to see no-one has taken the piss.

We had a breakthrough not long ago. Just started a routine of going to the toilet at the same time every night. The peadiatric specialists we dealt with believed that she had lost the sensation of when she need to go and it had to be relearned. It is working but we have to slowly wean her of the softener. She still will no go without us prompting her though!

He’ll grow out of it. My boy kept doing it for a while, got a bit frustrating, then we took a step back and tried to not make too big a deal out of it. He is 6 now and pretty much sorted.

Looks like youve exhausted medical options TBH. can’t really add more than your GP and specialist online. Must be a nightmare for you though. All i can suggest is that he probably will grow out of it and even though it must be sooo frustrating try not to lose your cool with your boy as this will probably make the issue worse and make him more self concious and embarrassed. Good luck

also if he was mine i’d steer of shrinks and psychologists on this issue.

Not massively useful, but of all the parents I know who made an issue out of toilet training and being ‘dry’, all of their children had issues of one sort or another.

But it’s possible this is just lazyness – our eldest is around the same age and has been without nappies since around 2 1/2 day and night. He still does this very occasionally because he’s too engrossed in whatever he’s doing or simply can’y be bothered – it doesn’t worry kids as much as it does adults. It’ll go away in time, and I reckon that’s your best approach. Don’t build it up in his mind, it’ll get worse.

Could also just be attention seeking, do you have other children coming into their own (walking, talking, big changes like that..)? As far as younger kids are concerned ANY attention is good, and any diversion like sibilings can trigger attention seeking responses.

We had the same problem with our oldest and resorted to bribery in the end – he gets a small toy every time he does one on the toilet. Its probably going to be a nightmare weening him off the toys!

Nice to see no-one has taken the piss.

Even with your potential set-up…

Teagirl speaks the truth.

Even with your potential set-up…

Oh lord, I’ve only just noticed. I’m sorry, I assure the OP it was completely unintentional 🙁

Brassneck +1

My lad (5 1/2) has this now and again , we just tell him ‘the book/game/tv’ ect will still be there when he gets back and that if he needs to go then it’s only a 3-4 minute break so there’s no reason to hold it in.

We’re going through this right now, though our boy is only just coming up to 3.

We thought we’d cracked it, and he came on so quickly – doing it all by himself etc. but it seems it was because it was all still a novelty for him.

Now, however, he is so easily distracted by things that he just forgets. He refuses to break off from playing, or watching telly and will happily sit there and pee or poo. He just seems to forget all about the loo. When we remind he looks at us, says “oh!”, and runs off and is fine, but its the constant reminders. We daren’t even think about takng him out of nappies at night.

He does it at pre-school too. Last week he went throuagh all his spare clothes, and all of the pre-school’s spares, and came home in a pair of pink girls knickers and vest. Oddly, I was quite proud for this achievement (though didn’t show it)!!

Oddly, I was quite proud for this achievement (though didn’t show it)!!

LOL – and you expect him to grow out of this phase 🙂

They will grow out of it. What you need to do is not make a big issue out of it and just let them do what they want to do. They will use other triggers, perhaps peer pressure, to decide for themselves that they need to go to the toilet and stop leaving skid marks. It is pretty common and nothing to worry about.

Try to think what you would have done at that age if someone was trying to force you to do something you didnt want to do.

I remember as a kid forgetting to go to the loo for ages and then laying the most humungous turds in the bog that wouldn’t go down…

Cheers for that molgrips.

Have you Sky+, if not get it just for the pause facility.

My son went through the same issue, just too ‘busy’ to go.

Son1 still has this problem from time to time. “Urgency” is a medical problem, but there really aren’t any treatments to speak of. It’s frustrating and he may grow out of it. Best course is not to treat it as an issue and accept that sometime he’s got to go NOW! Sometimes he will just forget. Oh and Son1 is 13 now…

Thanks for your replies all.
We’re going to speak to the Doc again I think.
Also trying to get his teacher to adopt some kind of reward chart for him, but aware that its not easy with a class full of children.
Some good info above, & good to know we’re not alone.
Thanks again.

Also trying to get his teacher to adopt some kind of reward chart for him, but aware that its not easy with a class full of children.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, please, please, please do not do this!!!

Children are the most cruel, manipulative, evil little monsters when any of their peer group has a chink in their armour. He will be destroyed if this is brought out into the classroom environment. He will hate you for ever. Its not bad behaviour we’re talking here, its having a dump!! why make a bar chart for all his mates to see?

I don’t even know the little lad, but all I can see is a new member of the trench coat mafia, an automatic weapon and the school clock tower featuring heavily in his future.

“here’s your reward daddy – ha ha ha!!!” BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG…