Just put in my request to take additional paternity leave(APL), just wondering what other people’s experiences have been? It’s caused a bit of a kerfuffle, HR have had to update their policy as they didn’t have one for APL, I can already feel that certain career opportunities may be delayed or halted, and that certain management have changed their opinion of me. (Starting to understand what women go through with maternity leave). I’m really looking forwards to looking after our daughter, and for me and Mrs GF it makes a lot of sense both mentally and financially for us to swap. So has anyone else taken APL, how did you find it? How was looking after a 6 month old full time? How was your return to work?

I took 3 months APL. Management were really supportive, just very keen to ensure smooth hand-overs took place. On return to work, it’s like I’ve not been away in some respects, but worth making sure what the expectations are of your ‘cover’, as I found plenty of stuff just got piled up for 3 months! Certainly doesn’t seem to have any limiting of opportunities as suddenly it was realized how many different things I do when I wasn’t there to do them.

It was good fun being at home, and 6 months is a great age. Doing weaning can be a bit trying though!

We considered it, but decided against it in the end. Primarily because we are breastfeeding her and the missus didn’t fancy being hooked up to a milking machine every evening to create the supplies (and of course she really likes the mother-baby bonding experience).

A mate of mine has done it though. He’s found it rewarding, but very hard work.

One thing he found was that pretty much every weekday baby activity group is exclusively run by and populated by women. As a man he didn’t always feel very welcome there and felt that he was regarded with some suspicion. 🙁

I know what you mean about work too. As I mentioned on another thread I’ve applied through the flexible working scheme to drop my Fridays. This was met by some bemusement and confusion.

I’ve not even tried taking Parental Leave yet (entitles you to an additional 4 weeks a year of unpaid leave for each child under 5).

Is he particularly nervous amongst groups of women, is it different where you are, or is it just an issue with groups for small babies (I could understand it more with groups which are for mums to chat rather than the babies to do anything)? Or does he smell? 😈 Because I went part time from when my oldest was under 1 and have been to lots of weekday groups with him and his younger brother where I was the only man (swimming, tumble tots, singing etc.) I’ve never been made to feel unwelcome, quite the opposite – as a bloke I’m a novelty, and quite enjoyed the experience. Having thought about it, I realise I actually quite miss doing that 🙁

I’ve not even tried taking Parental Leave yet (entitles you to an additional 4 weeks a year of unpaid leave for each child under 5).

That’s been around for quite a while (I think it’s also now been extended to older kids – they were certainly talking about it), and I don’t know of anybody who’s taken it. Strangely given it’s supposed to help deal with emergency stuff it has to be taken in 1 week blocks, so in reality if you do use it you do the emergency stuff with your normal leave and use that for holidays!

Is he particularly nervous amongst groups of women, is it different where you are

I wouldn’t say so. He’s a very chatty sociable person (ex-copper). I think it is partly just slightly dated social attitudes round here: theirs and his.

He says he had people who clearly thought he was slacking off and that “dads should be at work”, but I suspect on the flipside he didn’t feel able to invite these women out on lunch dates etc as they did with each other.

Strangely given it’s supposed to help deal with emergency stuff it has to be taken in 1 week blocks, so in reality if you do use it you do the emergency stuff with your normal leave and use that for holidays!

It’s not purely for emergencies. That’s would be Dependant Care Leave* which is just the right to time off for a sick or injured dependant.

But the guidance for Parental Leave says employees can use it to “spend more time with their children” so using it for holidays is fine (provided you take the kids!).

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* (which confusingly you can use your Parental Leave to cover if you need to).

Being more sociable with the baby is one of the reasons we’re swapping. Neither of us are particularly sociable, but I’m more likely to make the effort to go. Luckily I already know of one local ‘Mother and baby/toddler’ group that is attended by a keen cycling granddad, so I should have some common ground!

My current job at work is writing down what I do and how I do it so my cover will have a clue what to do. It’s quite complex when you write it down!

Sounds like you’ll do okay then.

Good luck.

Ultimately if it does have any negative impact on your career (not that it should) then so what? I know where I’d rather spend my time 😀