Bette to ask permission than ask forgiveness. And if you can’t ask permission (due to circumstances) then don’t do it until you can.

Apparently I’m old fashioned in my thinking, but it works for me. 🙂

fair enough, I’m realising now folk are normally fairly terratorial and I was prety oblivious to it being that big a problem, figured they’d come talk to me if it was.

My wife was worried he was going to do something stupid as he was weilding a saw whilst shouting at me. His wife said that this is why he doesn’t come up by himself as he loses the plot very quickly (not exactly those words though)

Suppose it didn’t help that she (my wife) was going to phone the police as he was being threatening.

If it’s any consolation, I did almost the same thing 2 months ago. Cut a load of branches off of some trees on my land and plied them up half on our land on half on neighbours land. This is where the properties meet, it’s completely unused land with no fence, just an idea where the “border” is. Our 90 year old Spanish neighbour, who must have made a special trip to see what I was doing, because it’s nowhere near his actual house, went off on one next day.

My argument was “who the hell cares, for a few days”. I was reliably informed by Mrs Spekkie that it wasn’t for me to decide when our neighbour should or shouldn’t be offended . . .

History now though 🙂

thanks, that helps actually.

with out being racist about it my general impression of Iranian’s is that they have a massive cultural bias in favour of kindness and respect it is next to impossible for two to get through a door as they will both insist on holding the door open and if you are stupid enough to enter a Persians house you had better be prepared to eat at least one full meal and a couple of light snacks and perhaps a cup of tea before you go would you like cake with that ? no just a sweet then..
So i suggest make with the politeness take him a fruit basket as an apology (avoid alcohol based misunderstanding) acknowledge you were in the wrong and prepared to be engulfed by a tidal wave of competitive hospitality.

yes, I was reading a bit about the taarof thing mentioned. hugely confusing for someone like me with Aspergers. I can deal with the direct problem-solution approach but when it comes to reading between the lines i’m practically useless.

odd thing is, there are 4 of us in our row of 6 cottages with Aspergers, one relative of a well known glasgow security firm and two recovering depressives. Makes for an interesting mix.

Pook – Member
You need to suck it up, go round cap in hand and smooth the waters that you have made choppy. Offer some taarof* – maybe suggest as recompense you clear up that bit of the garden you left in a state** + a bit more besides

*Persian form of civility
**in his eyes

Pook – Member
As long as you make that clear to him I’d think it’ll all be ok. Be humble.

Don’t be a doormat though!

Very good that ^^^ …

lovewookie – Member
yes, I was reading a bit about the taarof thing mentioned. hugely confusing for someone like me with Aspergers.

The simple meaning is cultural mannerism and etiquette. For example, in Japan you bow to each and when talking to the elders you speak indirectly rather than expressing your feeling directly. i.e. You don’t go around saying “please sod off…” but instead you say “I am busy now so could you come back some other days please …” something like that.

Try your best to apologise by trying to “give face” rather than trying to argue for fairness or your rights etc … coz he will not back down. Whatever you do you need to let him win in front of his family members or women or friends. His family members/friends etc will then calm him down to tell him to compromise whatever that is.

😛

p/s: Do Not gawk at their women no matter how tempting you are at their beauty … ya, they are good looking but high maintenance as I was warned by Iranian friends.

….and if you do the BBQ find out first if he’s halal and drinks beer, being from Iran he very may well not !