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6 year old wont go to sleep – dadsnet advice!?!
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M6TTFFree MemberPosted 11 years ago
Our eldest has never been a good sleeper right from the off. As he’s got older he’s improved though. Normally he’s in bed by 8 and asleep within 10 mins. He listens to audio books to help him nod off. This last week he’s not dropping off at all, not tired in the slightest. He finds any excuse to get out of bed, and cries for us because he’s too hot / cold / can’t think of something to dream about etc etc. I don’t think the clocks changing has anything to do with it, but the same thing happened this time last year, almost to the day. It went on for over a month. We’ve tried the softly softly approach, we’ve tried keeping him up later, we’ve tried stopping tv / other punishments. Nothing works. It’s ruining our evening and causing stress in the household. He gets himself worked up before he’s even gone to bed as he knows he’s not going to be able to sleep. Short of selling him on to gypsies we’re at a dead end – a trip to Santa in December was the turning point lat year – but the thought of this going on for another month is dire
Any ideas out there?
tazzymtbFull MemberPosted 11 years agoor get one of these
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ydHMU05BknE[/video]
and go out for the night
molgripsFree MemberPosted 11 years agoMaybe he’s just not tired. Give him some autonomy, figure out the consequences etc? Tell him he has to have quiet time but he can be awake if he needs to be.
Think about it another way – would you like it if someone forced you to bed when you weren’t ready?
tazzymtbFull MemberPosted 11 years agowould you like it if someone forced you to bed when you weren’t ready?
if it was a nice lady then yes please!
JunkyardFree MemberPosted 11 years agoPersonally I would rather have a bad lady
You cannot make someone sleep- I have one of those non sleepy childrn
If he is not a great sleeper then the change in clocks may just take more time to settle in as it happens every year about this time??
tazzymtbFull MemberPosted 11 years agoI find having some earlier than usual quiet time and reading together helps with my son (7) when he’s going through not wanting to sleep phases.
M6TTFFree MemberPosted 11 years agoI would be happy for him to have quiet time if he’s not tired, it’s the continual calling out and crying that’s the problem
molgripsFree MemberPosted 11 years agoGive him something to do? Personally, I watch TV or play video games when I can’t sleep, if I’ve got no book on the go.
johndohFree MemberPosted 11 years agoYeah, give a kid of 6 tv to watch then. That’ll work.
Do you read to him too or just have him listen to audio books?
yunkiFree MemberPosted 11 years agoour oldest son has always been a good sleeper, and used to put himself to bed until he was about two and a half..
recently (since he broke his collarbone a few weeks back) he’s not so keen on bed at all and gives us a bit of grief in the evenings..
After being in the same boat as you a few times I’ve found it less stressful to just join him in that quiet time in his room for extra stories, or some singing or alphabet and counting etc.. or just lying in the dark til one or the other of us falls asleep (usually me first)
I can’t be doing with tears at bedtime
stevewhyteFree MemberPosted 11 years agoGreat idea molgrips give him some kind of zombie computer game. ❗
molgripsFree MemberPosted 11 years agoYeah, give a kid of 6 tv to watch then. That’ll work.
Depends on the TV doesn’t it? Or are you one of the all TV bad mind poison school of thought?
And there are other computer games besides zombie ones. It’s all about distraction for me.
FROGLEEKFree MemberPosted 11 years agoI have a 6 year old son who occasionaly has trouble sleeping, those occasions are always when the routine has changed, sleepovers / no bath / rainy days stuck indoors etc.
Sounds obvious but lots of exercise then a nightly bath and book before bed = 12 hours of restfull sleep works the same for my 4 year old too; bed time hour is important past 8pm and we start to have issuestazzymtbFull MemberPosted 11 years agofrom my experience TV and video games within an hour of bedtime for little ‘uns creates carnage!
jambalayaFree MemberPosted 11 years agoIt is the change in the clocks, I know it’s only an hour but it does make a difference. I would try getting him up earlier than normal, hopefully that will ensure he’s ready for bed on time.
unfitgeezerFree MemberPosted 11 years agoremain calm and don’t show it upsets you children feed off you so maybe he’s picking up in your anxiety.
talk to him about the day what he enjoyed etc what you are going to do at the weekend, big hugs and a see you in the morning and make sure you tell him to wake you up…
been there with both of ours talking and being calm really does help
johndohFree MemberPosted 11 years agoNot at all, but I wouldn’t encourage a kid to watch tv if he won’t sleep. What then happens the next night? They do the same so they can watch tv again. The daftest thing I have ever heard you suggest!
richardkFree MemberPosted 11 years agoI played a game with ours, if they can lie still for 5 minutes with no noise, no fidgeting etc, then they can stay up later. Usually, that quiet period gets them to sleep. They catch on after a while though…
grannygrinderFree MemberPosted 11 years agoFor the correct answer see FROGLEEKS post.
I’m 39 and have children of 9 and 12. In the past this method has never failed, to the point where now its no longer needed.longjFree MemberPosted 11 years agoIs he getting enough exercise ? My 6 year old needs to walk or scoot the 3 mile round trip to school and back to have any chance of getting to sleep.
Could you read a couple of books to him instead of giving him ebooks ?
Tell him you’ll come and check on him in a few minutes, go up and see him then repeat. reduce the time over the weeks / months.
Don’t let him watch tv just before bed.
M6TTFFree MemberPosted 11 years agoGood sensible ideas there to try. Certainly better than losing my rag with him which I did tonight! We’ll give it a whirl. Cheers chaps
I_AcheFree MemberPosted 11 years agoI have done the sitting in the room with them more times than I care to remember. I try to make sure my phone is charged so I can sit out of view playing games, facebook, STW, Twitter etc. The knowledge that I am there is usually enough to keep them calm enough to drop off. I also try to avoid talking to them as they just natter on keeping themselves awake.
And there are other computer games besides zombie ones.
WW2 or GTA?
molgripsFree MemberPosted 11 years agoThey do the same so they can watch tv again
And they get more and more tired.. so maybe they realise why they need to sleep and take a bit of responsibility.
TV can work. My daughter just watched two episodes of Deadly 60 (that she’s seen dozens of times) before putting herself to bed in the corner of the room in which me and Mrs G were working (it’s an apartment we are staying in this week, only 1 bedroom)
Depends on your kid of course, I’m not telling you to do things, just raising ideas.. I told you what I do when I can’t sleep. In situations like this you have to try and figure out how your kid is really feeling and work with them… did you ask why he can’t sleep?
bazookajoeFree MemberPosted 11 years agoOur No.2 (5 years) is rubbish at sleeping and echo the physical activity mentioned above. If she doesn’t get outside to play she’s mental, it’s like a caged animal and she starts making her obstacle courses round the house and jumping about. Found routine after bathtime works for us too – pj’s on, supper, teeth brushed, into bed, story, sleep, skin-to-skin contact can help too, stroke their arm or back and also talking softly at the same time about anything, holidays, animals, ice cream. Same every night, no getting swayed by anything.
Only other thing is thinking about what they’re eating and drinking past a certain time – for us it’s making sure no diluting juice with her tea or afterwards, just water or milk. Any affects of sugar/sweeteners might cause problems in settling, and there might be sensitivity to something in a certain food/drink.
theotherjonvFull MemberPosted 11 years agoeasy to say but don’t lose your rag, he needs to be calm and if he’s worried that not going to sleep will make you angry – guess what. At that age he’s old enough that he should be able to settle himself. Tell him it’s bedtime at whatever time bedtime is, and after that time he’s to stay in his room. If he’s quiet, he can look at a book, or we even sometimes let our two have their portable DVD players for a short time if they want them (15-20 mins, not on a school night) but then when the clock says X you have to turn them off. Sometimes they get to X, other times they decide when to sleep and turn off themselves, but once they realise it’s their call and no amount of messing is going to get them more attention, they accept it.
Kids are quick learners – you can crack this in a matter of days if you set the boundaries right and stick to them.
And don’t stress on it, because that won’t help him.
To those that say don’t let them have TV. If it’s part of the routine I don’t get too stressed on this. The DVD players have boundaries and the girls know them, what’s the trouble?
sniffFree MemberPosted 11 years agoI don’t think the clocks changing has anything to do with it, but the same thing happened this time last year, almost to the day.
BINGO!
Try Classic FM on and give him some paper and pencils – challenge him to write a story or draw something. It’ll take his mind off fighting the sleep.
molgripsFree MemberPosted 11 years agoResponsibility is always good. Small amounts of course when you are young, but it’s the principle. Even when you are 6 you are your own person, that means a certain amount of responsibility and autonomy, doesn’t it?
Btw I don’t use the word ‘responsibility’ as a synonym for ‘good behaviour’ or ‘being boring’ like many people seem to.
djgloverFree MemberPosted 11 years agoOne of our twins is forever coming out with the classic. ‘I WONT GO TO SLEEP EVER!’
I just say, fine, read a book, play quietly, needless to say with 20 minutes they are usually zzzing away
instanthitFree MemberPosted 11 years agoReward good behaviour, ie getting to sleep ok and sleeping all night, short term star chart with some positive rewards. does not have to be buying something. Dont stress, stick to boundarys.
Make going to bed fun.
Make sure he’s not worried about anything.
Dont go down the tv/computer games route in the bedroom; bedrooms are for sleeping in and relaxing not stimulating.
It might just be a phase.molgripsFree MemberPosted 11 years agobedrooms are for sleeping in and relaxing
TV can be relaxing.. I didn’t say TV in the bedroom either.
johndohFree MemberPosted 11 years agoOne of our twins is forever coming out with the classic. ‘I WONT GO TO SLEEP EVER!’
I just say, fine, read a book, play quietly, needless to say with 20 minutes they are usually zzzing away
Sounds like the Mary Poppins song ‘Don’t Go To Sleep] 🙂Molgrips – your attitude (and I am NOT saying it is wrong as it is clearly based on your own childhood experiences as you have previously said) really is at odds with most people’s experiences of bringing up kids I have to say. But, for me, I really can’t see how letting a 6 yr old watch TV or play computer games if they won’t sleep will teach them responsibility and lead to them sleeping better.
molgripsFree MemberPosted 11 years agoMolgrips – your attitude (and I am NOT saying it is wrong as it is clearly based on your own childhood experiences as you have previously said) really is at odds with most people’s experiences of bringing up kids I have to say
Fair enough, I’m going by my own experiences and my experinces with my 3yo daughter.
My overall point is not to think that ‘what everyone says’ is always going to be right. We are all individual in very specific ways and we need to be aware of this.
And when I say TV I mean DVDs too. So that could be a movie or episodes of something. When tired she will watch grown-up TV like the Great British Bake-off or something animal related and become very calm, or we’ll put on a movie. All our movies are chosen to have good stories and characters, and this has a calming effect like a bedtime story. And before anyone accuses me of outsourcing parenting, we watch the movies together.
From the start we have encouraged our daughter to make her own decisions as much as possible. If she’s not tired around the usual bedtime she doesn’t have to go to bed, she can stay up a bit later. Consequently (after a fair few battles around age 1-1.5) she now puts herself to bed when she feels tired, mostly – and that’s usually between 7-8.30, and that’s fine by me. No battles. She’s not the sort of kid that needs a rigid routine, in fact a rigid routine would be hell for her. So we don’t try and enforce one.
But the responsibility thing is about helping her to choose what to do based on the implications. Our current battles are around food, because she doesn’t understand very well that what tastes good isn’t actually what’s good for her. She is getting there gradually, but looking at her father it might take her more than 30 years to come to terms with that 🙂
2tyredFull MemberPosted 11 years agoMy eldest (7) was a lot like you describe – as a baby he was a terrible sleeper and now would happily stay up late, whereas we’re clear on the idea that there comes a time (8.30) when the kids should be in bed so Mrs Tyred and I can, y’know, use swear words and that.
We went through a whole load of how-do-we-deal-with-this handwringing/persuading/threatening etc before realising that some people just need less sleep than others and that he’s one of them.
Now he goes off to bed about 8.30 after having had a story downstairs (letting his much sleepier wee brother get to sleep in the meantime), gets tucked in and the light goes out. Within 60 seconds, his bedside light’s on and he’s into a book or a comic, writing a story, drawing something, whatever. We don’t hassle him to go to sleep, he does it himself (and is well aware the decision when to actually go to sleep is his alone) and there’s no issue now. I often have a quick peek in the door and usually he’s asleep within half an hour.
From time to time he wakes a bit early and looks tired, so a gentle reminder about the importance of sleep is offered. If we thought his schoolwork or his health were suffering as a result of not getting enough sleep, things would be different, but so far so good.
At 6 their brains must be taking in massive amounts of new information that they can do useful stuff with, so its no wonder that they’re sometimes a bit wired for sleeping when you want them to.
theotherjonvFull MemberPosted 11 years agowell said Molgrips and 2tyred. We’re all individuals (I’m not!) and even at that age, different kids need different things.
our eldest loves bed and needs prising out from under the covers in the morning. Not that she’s asleep and needs more, she wakes at a normal time and she’ll grab for her reading book and would stay there all day if she could.
Our youngest typically goes to sleep later (they both go in at the same time as I said above, and then they decide – up to a limit -when to go to sleep and what to do in their rooms / beds between bedtime and sleeptime); she also flies out of bed as soon as the clock reaches 0645 (that’s another rule, no earlier than that time). If she’s been very active she’ll easily sleep until then, but normally she’s awake and watching the numbers tick over on her clock. So she’s typically getting around 10-11 hours of sleep per night and to try to force her to have more when clearly she doesn’t need it is false.
dantsw13Full MemberPosted 11 years agoI’m with 2tyred. My 7yo goes to bed at 8, but reads, writes or draws until 10. She is doing very well at school, and has a lie in at weekends.
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