- This topic has 24 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by ti_pin_man.
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50 -50 child custody
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MoolyFree MemberPosted 9 years ago
So as there is always plenty of knowledge on this forum. I am trying to get 50/50 care of my children and currently being refused by the EX.
I really want too get the shared care to spend more time with my kids but have also read on the CAB website that if i have shared care there is no maintenance payments made to either parent.
Has anyone had any experience of this and if so what should I be expecting.scaledFree MemberPosted 9 years agoOh there will be maintenance!
Even with shared care there is still a resident/non resident parent. He/she who claims the child benefit will still get 40 odd quid a week as the primary carer.
Its a bit **** up, I can’t for the life of me fathom how its supposed to cost my ex 50 odd pounds a week more than me for her 3.5 days but fighting the CSA ain’t gonna get me anywhere.
Your best bet is to try and get her to mediation asap, ask 3 local mediators then if your ex says no to them all then you can skip that and get to court.
No attempt at mediation means no court date these days.
Good luck by the way, the CSA lot aren’t bad people. I got really shirty with one of them and had to call back and apologise
scaledFree MemberPosted 9 years agoGov.co.UK calculator…
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance/Even if you out in that you have your Chile 300/365 nights a year you could still be liable for maintenance payments.
JunkyardFree MemberPosted 9 years agoWhat he says even with 50/50 one gets money
It is mental but that is how it worksBasically if the ex does not agree you are screwed
No offence been there done it, its shit but they have to agree to it
The laws are sexist and unfair but it is pointless get angry
IMHO get the best you can get/the most they will acceptIf the kids are old enough then their views will be considered as well but the resident parent usually wins.
Courts rarely order 50/50 especially when parents dont agree
Chin up and best of luck
yunkiFree MemberPosted 9 years agoI had to see a family lawyer earlier in the year as my ex and I were working out the logistics of an (amicable) 50/50 shared residence..
You’re correct.. there is no longer (due to fairly recent changes in the law) any maintenence payable in a shared residence situation..
We’re in the fortunate situation of having two children and each claiming child benefit for one child making a true 50/50 shared residency..If we had an odd number of children though, things would have gotten a lot more complicated as there is no provision in child benefit, tax credits etc for shared custody yet
MoolyFree MemberPosted 9 years agoFrom what i can make out this must apply
“If you share the care of the children equally
If you share care equally, neither of you has to pay maintenance to each other.
If the CMS believe you share care equally, they won’t do a maintenance calculation.”
skeetsgbFree MemberPosted 9 years agothe csa does not exist no more and doesnt take on new cases since last year. its the cma (child maintanance service) a bit more father friendly, just a bit mind you. and you may be right with the maintanance ( just going through something similar) .good luck with getting 50/50 with the kids, if she doesnt agree then its off to court and the law is as sexist as it gets unfortunatly.
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/260890/how-we-work-out-child-maintenance.pdf
how to work it outskeetsgbFree MemberPosted 9 years agoMore than 175 nights child stays with you a year
50 % reduction plus an extra £7 a week reduction for each child in this band.there you go. you will have to pay something depending on your salary.
numbnutFree MemberPosted 9 years agoWhen my ex learned there was a 1/7th adjustment for every night a week I have my children she said she wouldn’t have agreed to it if she had known!
It’s a very sad situation but there are women who use their children as a bargaining tool/threat.thehustlerFree MemberPosted 9 years agoIt’s a very sad situation but there are women who use their children as a bargaining tool/threat.
And there are men who use money etc in exactly the same way…..
MoolyFree MemberPosted 9 years agoSo how, even if this gets looked at by a court, and everything is equal with it judge in favour of the women. This is not equal rights.
Especially when it is the woman in my case that wanted to leave the relationship and have more time to herself?numbnutFree MemberPosted 9 years agoBlame isn’t attributable in divorce cases.
My ex was out having an affair when I was at home looking after the children but the courts aren’t concerned with details or moral arguments – their primary concern is quite rightly for the children.
My children were 2 and 5 at the time and her lovers were 10 months and 2!
I understand courts attitudes are changing with regards fathers importance in their child’s welfare but I think it’s ingrained into society that children are better off with the mother.traildogFree MemberPosted 9 years agoAnd there are men who use money etc in exactly the same way..
As a general point, surely part of the use of money is as a bargaining tool? I’m not quite sure what your point here is?
As it happens, in such cases the man doesn’t really have any bargaining tools and will be fighting to keep what little pennies he has. You can easily lose your money and your children.
The law is terrible unfairly biased against men I’m afraid. Which doesn’t do the children any good either. It needs changing.
skeetsgbFree MemberPosted 9 years agothere is no such thing as equal rights in this situation. the child part hasnt been to bad on my part. i think it helps when the children have a voice and they no they have a father, i reckon if they were babies it would have been different. but the house is a different matter. solictors are another. now they certainly dont give a shit about you. im a couple grand in already and still no more forward from when it first started. where that money could have been spent on the kids if it got settled like adults. its a shame really.
my advice to any new fathers, make sure your on the birth certificate as you have a few more rights than if you are not.MoreCashThanDashFull MemberPosted 9 years agoInteresting potential change.
When things were not looking great I was looking into the potential financial issues of a split, still not figured out how one party can still pay more on an equal split.
Then there was the effect that the maintenance payments would have had when included as an outgoing trying to get a mortgage, wouldn’t have been able to borrow bugger all, and would have had to pay more in rent than I would on a mortgage.
Luckily we never reached the point of no return, but the system is clearly not properly balanced and needs changing. Surely the default position should be 50/50 custody requiring no payments between the parties? Though I guess a partner with a less well paid job may be penalised by that, so still not ideal
skeetsgbFree MemberPosted 9 years agomy biggest head **** with the maintanance is why is based on gross and not net pay. you should at least get some tax relief, but no, screwed again. another one with them is if say you changed job and the new one is less money. if that pay cut isnt 25% then your payments wont change. ? but if she has a pay rise then that doesnt get considered either.
it will be safer in the future to not get married and not have kids at all.
yetidaveFree MemberPosted 9 years agolooks like this thread is going a bit http://www.fathers-4-justice.org/
scaledFree MemberPosted 9 years agoDragging this up again – so my ex has finally admitted to the CMS that I have 50/50 care for my daughter, which is great (if a little inaccurate, I actually have her more than half the time but, whatever)
Now the slightly confusing bit:
“If the CMS believe you share care equally, they won’t do a maintenance calculation.”
Right, so in my case the CMS have already done the maintenance calculation based on inaccurate data – does anyone have any idea what I should be doing now? Feels like I’ve been played good and proper!
surroundedbyhillsFree MemberPosted 9 years ago@scaled – is it not the case that you mutually decide? If the CMS won’t do a calculation then surely you decide. I have friends who have just done this and no money changes hands between them.
I am not so fortunate, my ex despite getting a new job and a payrise still gets the same amount from me for maintenance.scaledFree MemberPosted 9 years agoShe initially told the CMS I only had my daughter 3 nights a week, hence they did a calculation which is now in place.
Seems it’s much harder to get them to change something once it’s in place than to get them to not do it in the first place.
Still a pretty mental system
ti_pin_manFree MemberPosted 9 years agoIt is and has always been biased towards the mum, but traditionally it has been mums bring up the children so I guess understandable, not fair but understandable. The CSA seemed to be set up and tasked with chasing down cash from absent fathers on the whole. Again, historically this was mostly right. It was mostly fathers having affairs, or doing a runner and not supporting their kids.
Thankfully I think there’s now more fathers interested in looking after their children. But the laws remain sexist. Seems to take some time to change laws. One day I hope equality will be in place.
The thing to always always remember is that the import thing isnt the money or the hatred for the ex, the important thing is the child.
I decided to take the high ground and continue to always pay more maintenance than I legally had to. I want to be able to tell my daughter i did the right thing by her. I fought for access. I took my ex to court for that and won. If I had believed I had any chance of custody I would have fought for it.
Fight for the child, not with the ex.
just saying like … 😀
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