Altura Attack Waterproof Shorts 13

Altura’s kit has long been a tried and trusted part of the British cyclist’s winter wardrobe, and these shorts are no exception.

The mysteriously-named ‘Attack Waterproof Shorts 13′ – I’m going to assume on no evidence whatsoever that the ’13’ refers to the year in which they were introduced – are available in a frankly startling range of sizes, from XS all the way up to XXL. So it’s fair to say that a fairly wide range of waistlines is catered for.

As the name suggests, these Attacks are waterproof. The React™ three-layer waterproof fabric is alleged to be extremely durable and highly breathable; the website claims it will transmit in excess of 20,000g of water vapour per metre squared per 24-hour period (which translates to more than 833g per hour), which certainly sounds impressive.

The shorts have a reinforced crotch panel, some very handy and pretty deep zippered pockets, and are lined inside with a grippy silicone to help keep them up, alongside some adjustable Velcro… er… adjustment.

But should that prove insufficient, they’re also compatible with Altura’s Attack Braces, the name of which is a splendidly odd concept if ever I heard one – the sort of thing a Victorian rifleman might have as a staple device for keeping his trousers up. Or a kung-fu Sherlock Holmes. They are, however, sadly low on the leather and ammunition pockets, and rather higher on plastic and machine washability. That’s progress.

Upon putting the shorts on, the first thing I noticed was that they’re really rather baggy. I tested the XL shorts, which fitted me well around the waist (once I’d cinched them in a little with the Velcro straps) and expanded rather voluminously thereafter. They are of average length; not over-long, below-the-knee types, but not exactly hotpants either.

So they would theoretically serve as an overshort if you’re so inclined, although I tend to wear my waterproof shorts in an all-or-nothing sort of arrangement. If I’m riding and it starts to rain, in most instances it has already been raining enough or it’s already wintery enough for the ground to be wet, and as a result my arse will be too.

That expanse of fabric, though, leaves plenty of room for knee pads. This is all to the Attack’s credit, as I wear wet weather shorts either with pads or at least 3/4-length tights underneath – I absolutely cannot bear the feeling of cold, gritty, wet cloth slapping repeatedly against my lily-soft thighs. It’s worth noting that the voluminousness can cause potential issues if there is anything on your ‘scoot’ for them to get hooked up on. I had a couple of issues with my seatpost quick release, which was easily remedied by moving it to the other side of the frame so it pointed the other way.

The fabric is coated in some sort of water-repellent chemical. If you just stick the shorts in the washing machine with all your normal washing, then it wears off soon enough, though I found that mud and grime liberally smeared into the seat of the shorts with a wet saddle wears it away even faster. But this is exactly the same as with every other pair of waterproof shorts I’ve tried.

Throughout shorter rides, then, these shorts performed admirably, and kept my nethers dry and comfortable. Anything more than a couple of hours and they would tend to ‘wet out’ a little – or more likely the microscopic pores would get blocked with the aforementioned grime (West Yorkshire Millstone Grit is spectacularly wearing on componentry and the seat of one’s shorts when cycling), and I’d feel – there’s no other way of saying this – somewhat clammy.

But upon finishing the ride I’d find that the inside of the shorts was perfectly dry; the dampness resulted just from a little sweat – which, due to the relative lack of insulating properties of the waterproof fabric, would rapidly cool. Urgh, indeed – but no different, again, to every other pair of shorts, and a sad byproduct of riding offroad in Yorkshire. But that sensation, with a pair of these shorts over the top of it, is far preferable to the sensation of ‘trench arse’ which afflicts those without.

Overall:

A fine, baggy pair of waterproof shorts at a good price. And there will undoubtedly be a pair in a size to fit you.

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Barney Marsh

Barney Marsh takes the word ‘career’ literally, veering wildly across the road of his life, as thoroughly in control as a goldfish on the dashboard of a motorhome. He’s been, with varying degrees of success, a scientist, teacher, shop assistant, binman and, for one memorable day, a hospital laundry worker. These days, he’s a dad, husband, guitarist, and writer, also with varying degrees of success. He sometimes takes photographs. Some of them are acceptable. Occasionally he rides bikes to cast the rest of his life into sharp relief. Or just to ride through puddles. Sometimes he writes about them. Bikes, not puddles. He is a writer of rongs, a stealer of souls and a polisher of turds. He isn’t nearly as clever or as funny as he thinks he is.

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