Everybody loves a happy ending…

January 15, 2014

Morning campers! Here’s an amusing humpday (ahem) story for you…

It sounds like it should be an urban myth but the tale of woe detailed on this forum thread actually appears to have turned out to be telling the true story of a rather unfortunate incident of a 22-year old Irish rider, who “presented with a five week history of ongoing priapism after he had sustained a blow to perineum when he fell on to the crossbar of his mountain bike. Perineal pain, swelling and bruising had settled within days but he had ongoing priapism with rigid erection. Examination revealed no signs of injury but the penis was erect.” (‘Mountain Bikers Priapism: A Rare phenomenon’, Irish Medical Journal.)

In other words – he managed to give himself a seven-week erection by gnadgering himself on his top tube. Oof.

We all know what happens next – though it’s usually not that (and it hasn’t happened to Chipps…)

If you’re a bloke then you probably know all too well what an accident like that feels like (girls, you’ll just have to imagine), so we’re not going to go into too much detail about how the doctors fixed it. Suffice to say it was a protracted process, with the eventual fix involving catheters and platinum coils being inserted in places nobody wants to think about having them inserted. (Alright, if you want the gory details to read while you eat your sandwiches: here’s the IMJ’s report.)

Thankfully there was a happy ending (unfortunate pun completely intended, because we’re childish like that): “Priapism resolved immediately with uneventful recovery. At one month there was no recurrence of priapism and patient reported satisfactory erection and intercourse“. Ahhhhh. Bless. It still begs the question though – why wait five weeks before seeking medical attention with that – ahem – ‘problem’?!

If the individual concerned is reading this, thanks for sharing your suffering to brighten up our Wednesday – and do get in touch. We’ve got a little present waiting for you to say thanks…

Mark Alker Singletrack

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